Looking Back and Appreciate

I had the pleasure recently of receiving some free coaching at work.  After I went through my back story, I was reminded that I was a goal achiever and that I could still manifest whatever I wanted to attain now…. This was a revelation to me, I had forgotten about my achievements of the past. I had lost connection to the magic of what I made manifest.

I revealed to the coach how I was a single mother, who went to university with a 4 year old son in tow, how I left university and got a job as an IT professional. I had achieved my goal.  The goal amazingly, was that I wanted to take my darling son on holiday.

I wanted to afford a holiday that didn’t involve buying a national tabloid newspaper and collecting tokens for three months.  My son deserved so much more than a weekend in Skegness at a holiday camp, he deserved me taking him across the pond to the USA to party with Donald, Mickey, Daisy and co.

Although it was a big goal at the time, at no point did it seem too big or unattainable. I had such a strong passion, drive and belief that I could do this for my son. I didn’t write the goal down, create a vision board, do visualisation exercises around it, I didn’t pray on it, proclaim it or talk about it; it was a calm and gentle inner knowing.

I had worked before having my son at the ripe old age of 21, I was an administration officer for an examination board, so I was used to working and taking care of myself. But the salary I earned as admin officer was not going to get my son on that plane. After childcare and general living expenses there wouldn’t be anything to put into the holiday fund.  I needed a change in career…

I bought the Guardian newspaper and leafed through the ‘positions vacant’ section and noticed that a lot of the well paid jobs involved IT in some way or another.  Boom… my mind was made up; I was going to do an IT degree, simple! I found a one year access to university course that was tied to an IT degree course. I completed the course, went to university and studied my socks off for 3 years, whilst working every weekend at a DIY store. I got a 2:1 in Information Management & Business IT.

I applied for only one job, and got that job and started work at an IT professional within 6 weeks of leaving university. By the end of summer holidays, guess what? My son and I had spent 2 weeks hanging out with the Disney massive in sunny Florida.

Looking back and upon reflection that goal was never in doubt; I just programmed the co-ordinates in my navigation system and set sail. I thought my choices and steps I took to achieve the goal was no big thing.  I never ever took the time to stand back and take stock of what I had achieved; I just thought it was run of the mill stuff that anyone could do it. So when I achieved it, who was I to bask in the any glory. I didn’t scale Mount Kilimanjaro, tame a wild stallion or swim across the sea.

Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful for getting my degree, getting a job, going on holiday, as this allowed me to give my son everything he wanted. Even when I learned that my first IT manager gave me the job because to be a full time mother, full time student and part time employee and juggle all successfully meant I had something within me. I had no appreciation of this thing within me. I had no appreciation of me. When someone tried to give me a pat on the back for my success, I could not see how I deserved praise for that.

I didn’t see my achievement as an achievement; I just saw it as part of the course. Nothing to really acknowledge, appreciate or celebrate. I didn’t spend a quiet moment looking back at the journey and giving my self a little hug and whisper well done.

That comment from the coach at work jolted awake something within me. I could finally see the journey I took, what I overcame and how I was connected to the goal and the process of achievement.  Where did Patricia the goal achiever go?  Nowhere, I just went into hiding, lost connection to me, the inner me.  I was operating from the outside, not calling upon my pool of inner resources

Fast forward to now, am I more appreciative of me, yes a little more, it’s a work in progress. I recently did an inventory of all the things I did and I now realise that I have accomplished quite a bit and I am having a little ‘me’ celebration.  I can now say I am proud of me for what I chose to do, I am patting myself on the back and doing the running man in my bedroom when no one is looking.

As I reflect, I am trying to capture my heart and mind-set and I am amazed at how simple I made it then. I just decided what I wanted to do, set my inner compass in that direction and off I went. I trusted me, my decisions and stayed connected to that inner knowing.  I was so determined to make sure that I gave my children the best I could muster. Now that it’s my turn to focus on me, achieving what I want, refection time is important, as it has been easier to push myself for the betterment of my children then me. I am now in the spot light.

Going forward with that knowledge coupled with appreciation for my past journey successes I am welcoming the opportunity to once again consciously create and manifest. I welcome the opportunity to recognise what I am doing and congratulate me.  That inner knowing has become an outer smile that I wear with pride.

I would love to know what you have recently remembered about you, what magic you unearthed.   Please feel free to comment below….

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